Returning To Who I Once Was
by tieusang
Summary: A family tragedy left Rin orphaned at a convent. Will the road to remembering who she was bring her more pain than she can handle? Will she find her prince? First attempt at AU characters may be slightly ooc* I do not own inuyasha*
1. memories lost

* I do not own inuyasha*

The sun was beaming through some fluffy clouds above the afternoon sky to a small century old church on the prairie. A girl of sixteen napped under the cherry tree in the church's garden. Her long wavy locks of ebony gently picked and blown in the afternoon breeze; while tears fell silently around her eyes. Once again, the pain of the past is haunting her dreams. A memory from long ago.

Her dreams.

She was eight in a music hall awaiting her first piano recital. Child prodigy was the label she was giving for playing the piano like a pro by ear. Her fingers seemed to pick the right notes and her foot seemed to know when to fall on the pedestal. After the performance, she was greeted with her piano instructor with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Well done. Let's go." He said in his cool calm voice. He was her brother's best friend and her friend as well. Truth be told, she saw him first. After a year-long recovery from her sickness, the trio were nearly inseparable. Sesshomaru would play the piano while Rin and her brother Koga danced around. Rin watched Sesshomaru so intently that her learned how to play 6 different songs in 2 months, where as it took Sesshomaru 2 years. Rin was a special person to Sesshomaru. He knew that in two years he was going to leave this little town and Rin behind to train to take over his father's company.

"Well, where's my present?" Rin asked. Sesshomaru promised her a big present if she did well at her recital.

"My apologies Rin. I'll be right back. I left it on the counter of my house." Sesshomaru said as he walked out the door. She's not gonna let him live this one down.

"Come back soon. Tell your parent to come over later sweetie." Rin's mom yelled from behind her.

As he make the turn from their farm, he noticed an unfamiliar van turning down the road towards it. Must be another reporter he thought. He lived 5 miles down the road so he hurried home to get his present. It was a necklace Rin had seen at the mall. A heart lock and key necklace. One would have the heart, the other the key.

"Hey Dad, Rin parents invited us over later. I'm heading over now. See you at 5." Sesshomaru said leaving. He was all smiles driving back to Rin's farm. She somehow managed to open him up and keep him happy. Just then a omnious feeling swept over him. Something is wrong. The black van was parked in the front yards and three men with mask pulled out rifles. NO! Rin.

"Hello, 911 please come to the Minato farm, there is a black van without license plate parked with 3 men out front with semi automatic rifles. I'm Sesshomaru Tashio. I'm going to save my friend. Hurry! I am coming, Rin please be safe." Sesshomaru honked his horn hoping that it would get the men out or at least warn Rin.

"What's that noise," Kikyo said to her husband. One glance outside and he pulled his family down and dragged them to the other side of the fireplace. The last thing anyone heard was,"Get Down!"

An array of bullets shattered the living room glass window and ripped up furniture. It set off the intruder alarm but the ambulance and police were already on their way.

"My God, please keep my babies safe. I love you guys," Suikotsu said before four bullets pierced his chest and he fell.

"Please, take what you want. Spare our kids!" Kikyo yelled frantically covering her kids with her body and arms.

Bang. Rin saw red and her mother's grip loosen.

Bang. Her brother fell over by her feet. In a moment she was staring down a barrel.

"Rin!" She turned her head real quick.

Bang. Rin felt her body fall over and her vision was consumed with darkness.


	2. How They met

I do not own inuyasha.

How they met. Three years ago

Her parents were the towns' vets and on Sundays they were part of the church choir. Rin was born in to music and harmony. Being a premature baby, she did spend her first six weeks of life in the hospital and one week on the ventilator. 30 weeks gestation set her up for a lifetime of weakness and hospital visits.

At 4, she had been back to the hospital at least eight times. But for a sick girl, her smiles were endless and uplifting. The lord blessed her with music. Song and dance flowed through her and always managed to reach to another soul. Her smiles were filled with compassion and her heart always on the ready for help. Her brother Koga was a strong and caring. Being older than his sibling by 8 years, he felt like it was his responsibility to teach Rin all he knew it life; which for an eight year old was everything. He was a proud brother and Rin became his buddy.

* * *

Sesshomaru's family moved to this town after his father divorced his mother and remarried. His mother relinquished custody and he lived with his father's new family. She was a socialite and being a single mother was too cliche. Although Izayoi was a sweet, caring mother, Sesshomaru was never able to accept her into his life. She was a commoner. His family had high social standings and his father left it all for this woman. No matter how hard she tried, he would not change his opinion. Things were ok though until Inuyasha was borned. His father shifted attention from his eight year old son to his newborn. Sesshomaru expected it though. He told himself he needed no one if no one needed him.

Toga was the President and head mechanical engineer at The Western Wind Tunnel industries. His ancestors were once Lords but such position was outdated in this modern world. Although his arranged marriage did not work out, His son was his pride and joy. Sesshomaru was clever,very smart for his age and eloquent with his words. He was quiet and withdrawn though but he was adjusting to the new family. This all changed when Inuyasha came along. Sesshomaru would disappear for hours and when he came by, he had no emotions in his eyes.

"I don't know what I am going to do with that boy, Izayoi. He's so withdrawn. I can't get him to open up. " Toga sighed in defeat.

"Dearest, it is hard being part of a new family. He can't help but feel alone because you don't have time for him. So much has happened in the last four months. We moved here, you are opening a new branch and training new employees, Inuyasha was just born and his mother relinquishing cusody is a bit much for an eight year old. Mature for his age or not, he is still a child. I wish he didn't resent me so much. I will keep trying to be his mother. I know I won't replace her, but I'll make sure he won't feel like he never had one." Izayoi said with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you my beloved. I will make time for him." Toga said hugging his wife. He knew she too came from a broken family and when her younger siblings were born, they ignored and worked her. She never resented her family and yearn to have a close family but could not help but fall for a divorcee with a child.

Sesshomaru inadvertently heard their conversation and found a new respect for his stepmother. This was the first time he refered to her as anything but Izayoi in his head. Maybe perhaps, she wasn't so bad. He'd try to make amends with her.

Inuyasha adored his big brother. He was strong, smart and everything he did, he did well. Sesshomaru was a black belt in karate and Inuyasha wanted to learn too. He was good at fencing and again Inuyasha begged to learn. If he could he would be attached to Seshsomaru by the arm. This was too much for Sesshomaru however. For a five-year old, Inuyasha was unrelenting.

"Leave me, little brother. This is your last warning." Sesshomaru huffed as he headed out to his balancing logs in the back yard. Not too long though he heard the pitter patter of those annoying feet. Just ignore him and he'll go away Sesshomaru was hoping. But then he heard a yelp and turned around. Inuyasha lost his footing and was falling head first into one of the pillars. Sesshomaru threw out his left arm to catch him and heard a snap. They both fell to the ground. Inuyasha starting screaming and Sesshomaru was moaning in pain.

"You pathetic excuse for a brother. Why I ought to.." Sesshomaru was seething with anger, his arm was broken and the reason was wailing for no reason. He was not hurt.

"Sesshomaru! It was an accident. Come now Inuyasha. It's okay. We have to take your big brother to the hospital. He is hurt." Toga felt bad for not comforting Sesshomaru but Inuyasha didn't know any better.

"Wow, Sesshomaru. I want that too." Inuyasha whine pointing at Sesshomaru's casted arm.

"Well, little brother. I can make that happen." His eyes still seething with anger. This half bro..breed had the audacity to fall, scream and now mock him. This was it. His father's favoritism has no end.

"Inuyasha. A cast is not something you get for fun. Your brother broke his arm saving you. He's hurt and now he needs to let his arm heal. Please stay out of trouble." Toga said to his little boy. This child will be the death of me one day. Sesshomaru was responsible and mature for his age. Toga knew he could take over the company easily but Inuyasha was not the sharpest tool in the shed. He was loyal though. But Inuyasha would burn the company to the ground if left unsupervised.

"Sesshomaru, please forgive Inuyasha for this. You know he worships you and tries to mimic you. He meant no harm. Your father does not favor him either. You are strong and independent while Inuyasha is..well Inuyasha. He's a trouble magnet and he is not even aware of it." Izayoi said calmly trying to smooth things over. Mature or not, she knew Sesshomaru still needed his father's acknowledgment now and then. She will have a talk with her husband later.

"I need sometime to think. I will come home when I am done." Sesshomaru said walking through their back yard and disappearing through the woods. He was so lost in thought that he slipped over a tree trunk and hit this head on the side and passed out.

* * *

Her parents would volunteer all the time to serve food during the holidays at the local shelter or after mass on Sundays. Rin would always pick some flowers and placed it on the tables. Although she was shy when it came to strangers, she warms up to them quickly.

"Mama, may I go catch the fireflies by the creek? There are other kids there and it is still early and I already have a flower set at every table." Her eyes pleaded.

"Alright sweetie but don't get too dirty and Rin.." Kikyo sighed. Her daughter was a weak child but so adventerous. She still had her apron on as she danced out to fields.

"She'll be fine, mother. Besides, we can't stop her anyways," Koga sighed. His sister was head strong and very, very stubborn. She was vocal when other asked about her just for conversation and not out of concern. She was tired of being handled like a fragile object. She was one of a kind.

Rin was skipping when she heard a thump and moan. Cautiously she walked over to the old oak tree. She was suprised when she saw a boy about Koga's age lying at the trunk. When she walked closer, he hissed at her. She was startled but not scared of him for some reason. His hair was blond or silvery down to his back. His amber eyes were so lonely once the red was gone; and his left arm was in a case. He was hurt. She must help him. She gulped. She walked over to him and poured some of the water in her water bottle on him and used her apron to clean him up. He just sat there and looked at her curiously. Does she know me? Why is she helping me? That apron is gross. She's not going to use it to clean.. yes. yes she did. Before leaving she left her water bottle and a small fruit snack bag in front of him.

"No thanks. Your generosity is waste on me. I do not eat _that_ food." He said coldly.

She said nothing and skipped to the creek. She was glad she can help that stranger. She was still worried though. But what was she supposed to put the fireflies in now? Suddenly an empty jar flowed down the creek. Oh thank you God. She started to put fireflies into the jar and closed the lid.

"There is it. Rin, you know you should not steal from others. That is our jar. Thanks for filling it up with fireflies," the two older boys laughed and pushed her down. She cut her cheek on the rock and bruised her eye.

Kids are so mean she thought. As she got up, she notice a cut on her ankle also. She hobbled to her brother when her mom caught a glimpse of her.

"Rin, what happened? You poor thing. Let momma.." Kikyo started.

"I'm okay momma. Rin, she wants to fix herself up okay? She's a big girl now. Don't worry so much. I won't break." Rin huffed. Kikyo smiled.

"Yes dear. Clean up for supper than. The Father will be here to bless out food. Hurry." For a five-year old, her daughter had an air of independence around her. She chuckled inwardly. I hate to see what she does as a teenager.

"May I be excused. Rin is done." Rin said hoping her mother hadn't notice her sneaking a dinner roll and a slice of ham into her napkin.

"You were hungry today sweetie. Yes, of course. Just stay close. We are on clean up duty today." Her mother said waving her daughter off.

Sesshomaru was resting his eyes. He was so tire and the pain medicine must be making him sleepy. Was that the wind rustling the leaves by? Just then he felt little chubby fingers wiping his cuts and putting band aids on it.

Rin found her mystery boy again but this time he looked so peaceful. He was asleep so she tried to be as quiet as she can and wiped his cut before putting her hello kitty bandaids on his forehead,cheek, and neck. She brush his hair from his face and it felt like touching silk. Wow, he is so beautiful. Then, his eyes opened and stared into hers.

"Where did you get those bruises," he asked. Not that he cared or anything.

Rin suddenly smiled and giggled. For once someone was concern about her well-being and not just using her as a conversation starter for her parents or Koga. She gave him the warmest, biggest and brightest smile she could muster with her bruising cheek and eye.

"I'm not concern, just curious," He said trying to be aloof. Why is she so happy when she got hurt from the last time she saw me? Then he smelled a dinner roll and smoked ham. She left it on his lap in a napkins and skipped away. That is such an odd child he thought. It was getting darker now so he hurried home. Once he got into the living room, he noticed eyes on him and bouts of giggling erupted. What the heck now, why is everyone laughing?

"Did the Kitty fairy come by and tend to your wounds, Sesshomaru?" Toga asked trying to keep a straight face.

Sesshomaru eyes widen, that little girl. He went to the foyer to look in the mirror and noticed Hello Kitty band aids all over his face and neck, on places that didn't even have a scratch. Ahh. He will deal with this in the morning. That little girl is an odd one but very good-hearted. He smiled as he fell asleep.


	3. Losing her the first time

I do not own inuyasha

Losing her the first time

Koga was a freshman when Rin started first grade. She would bring home her art work of squiggle and zig zag cut lines. She was proud of every one of her masterpiece.

Koga and Sesshomaru were classmates but neither spoke. Koga was the rugged popular type and Sesshomaru was the handsome sporty one. That changed when the teacher assigned a world history presentation to the pair.

" My younger brother may be a nuisance when it comes to researching so it may be better to meet at your home." Sesshomaru said dryly.

Jeez, this guy is a log or something. He has no feeling in his voice. " I guess so, but I have to warn you, my baby sister can be demanding though. I have to spend at least fifteen minutes playing with her before we can get started. " Just thinking of singing and dancing with his sister made him smile. No matter what or how rough of a day it is, she was a shining pillar of light.

"So be it, just as long as we can get work done." He replied.

The walk to their house was uneventful. Rin was on the living room floor singing and coloring when she heard her brother come in. She leaped up and ran with arms wide open and hugged him. Her orange and green checkered sundress spun around her and she dugged her head into his shoulder. But for some reason he brother's hair grew a lot today and he smelled different to her. And he didn't hug her back.

"Nii-san, swing me around!" She demanded as she held on tighter on her brother's shoulder.

"You are mistaking little one, I am not the one you seek." Sesshomaru said clearing his throat.

Rin looked up and noticed that she had hugged Sesshomaru by accident. Her cheeks became red and she ran to her room and slammed the door. She was so embarrassed.

"Rin, it's okay. He's Sesshomaru. He's my new friend at school. He's really nice . Come out and make me another one of your masterpiece." Koga said trying to coax her out. He heard the door unlock and a head popped out.

"Is he mad at me?" Koga looked at his baby sister. She usually is never this timid.

Just then the sound of a piano caught her ear and she ran downstairs to see who it was. They were given a baby grand piano two years back but no one in the house could play it. When she reached the living room, she stopped breathing.

He looked so dashing, cool, calm, collective and beautiful. Her cheeks heated up again. The melody was haunting and his finger gracefully slid from one key to the next. The music was so sad and painful. But the ending sounded like there would be a glimmer of hope.

"That was beautiful. Very sad but hopeful at the same time." Rin said looking at the piano.

"Hn" was all he responded. No one had ever notice the feelings he put into his music. Somehow this little girl felt his turmoil and hopes. This very odd girl.

Their report came and went with an A as the result, and soon the boys were hanging out outside of school. Seshsomaru was relieved. Despite Koga's rough exterior, he was very responsible and his instincts were sharp. He became Sesshomaru's closest friend. His distaste for Inuyasha was also very welcomed.

She would go outside and sit under the cherry tree watching Koga and his friend Sesshomaru play catch.

The only person that would silence Rin was Sesshomaru. Each time she saw him, her cheeks would be pink up and her words wouldn't come out. At first, everyone thought he scared her, but Koga noticed that she was just memorized by him. His baby sister had a crush on ice prince.

On valentines she cut a heart out and lined it with glitter and inside drew two stick figures holding hands. She gave it to him and ran away. He couldn't help but smile at her. Rin in her puppy love stage was too adorable. Soon, Sesshomaru found himself smiling at her when she would sneak a peek at him and even went out of his way to talk to her.

"You can talk to me you know. It's okay. Do what you wish." He said to her while pushing her on the swing.

"mm.K. Sesshy. Rin likes you very much. She wants to be by your side forever." Rin replied smiling her beautiful smile with her eye squinting.

"Rin, you are too young for me. I will always care for you just like Koga." He tried to explain to the little girl.

"Rin is not too young. Rin can write her name and mommy said Rin was a big girl now and Rin want to play house and cook for you.." Rin said slowly crying. This was a very uncommon sight to see.

Sesshomaru hugged Rin and said," Tell you what. When we are older like your mom and dad, we can talk about it okay?" He wiped away the tears running down Rin's chubby cheeks.

"But mommy and daddy are soooo old. It would take a hundred years before Rin is that old." Rin pouted with her eyebrows in a scowl as she attempted to count her parents ages.

"Ha. Your parents are not that old. They are barely in their thirties." Sesshomaru snorted.

" But it is more than Rin's fingers and toes. SEE? One, two, three..twenty..my number ends at twenty and mommy and daddy are more than that." Rin argued.

Sesshomaru smiled. This snip of a girl was able to put him at ease and in the best of moods, even when his home life was spiraling out of control.

Koga joked with Sesshomaru out loud one time that he should bring a girlfriend over and Rin ran away crying. Sesshomaru hoped that it was a phase she would grow out of but she was always looking at hm with adoration. He was defeated. He had grown to care for her well-being. He wanted to protect her and keep her safe. These feelings were so new to him. He figured he was going through so much that Koga and Rin just felt like family to him. For now, he just wanted to be happy and this was where it was.

Rin was all smiles coming home everyday from school for the year. Then one day she picked up a cough. It set into her lungs and landed her into the ICU when she was found with pneumonia with the human metapneumovirus. Then things got worst and she was on life support after being unable to breathe on her own. It was the longest three days for her family and Sesshomaru. He visited her everyday and read her stories of the feudal era and the world of demons while she was asleep on the ventilator. He was worried, she was still having bouts of fevers up to 104 and her heart was racing at 190 times a minute. The Intensivist told her parents they might have to take her to the bigger hospital in the city 70 miles away because they had better equipment and newer technology. It was called Children's Mercy Hospital.

That night Sesshomaru got a phone call at midnight from Koga and he was crying. "The hospital called and something's wrong with Rin. We're heading to the hospital. I .. I "

"Hold on, I'm coming." Sesshomaru said as he ran to his father 's room and knocked repeatedly.

"What is it Sesshomaru?! Do you know what time it is? I've got an important meeting in the morning." Toga said before he noticed tears in his sons' eyes.

"I need you to take me to the hospital. My friend's sister is.. Rin is dying.." Sesshomaru said as he collapse to the floor.

Toga held his son for the first time in a very long time. His cold mask was melting away each day since he met Koga and Rin. "Get your jacket and go to the car. Izayoi, i'm taking Sesshomaru to the hospital. It might be late. Don't wait up. Let's go son." Toga rushed to the car with Sesshomaru to the community hospital.


	4. Feeling Lost

I do not own inuyasha

Feeling lost

* * *

"Sesshomaru, she'll be okay. She is a sweet girl. She'll be.."" Toga was trying to calm his son.

"No she won't. She was born 2 and a half month premature so she was never in good health to begin with. They couldn't fix her fever. She can't breathe on her own. Her heart is beating overtime. What if she.. She always love to run through the fields barefooted, picking flowers and catching frogs by the creek. She never lets anyone around her get sad or lonely and you can't help but smile with her. She helped me when I was hurt but I can't do a thing for her. I can't.. I don't want to lose anyone else in my life. Nothing is worth Rin's life." Sesshomaru said fighting his tears.

Spoken like someone who had learned to be compassionate. This Rin was a special little girl to his son. She was the same girl that helped Seshsomaru and Inuyasha get along better. Or at least pretend while she was around. The meeting in the morning was going to be postpone. Toga could not think seeing his son in such a state. To imagine his cold, quiet, expressionless boy from a year ago has grown so much in these past few months.

He reached the hospital in ten minutes and found Koga and his family in the waiting room.

"Suikotsu, how are you doing? If you or your family need anything, please do not hesitate to ask." Toga said to Rin's dad with a hand shake and hug.

"Thankyou. Actually, I think Kikyo and I will be going to the city with Rin, I was wondering if Koga could stay with you for the time being." Suikotsu said. Toga pulled out his phone and told someone to be ready in thirty minutes.

"Our home is your home. No problem. Any friend of Sesshomaru is a friend of ours." Toga smiled.

"So how is she? What happened?" Sesshomaru asked impatiently.

" Her breathing tube slipped out and they were having a hard time putting it back in. They said her heart stopped for a minute but they were able to start it up again. Now they are getting her ready to evac her to the city. She's stable now, but not out of the woods. I thought we lost her when they called us at home. I know she wants you to be here with us if she were to.." Koga's voice hitched at the ending.

" She will be fine. She is too stubborn otherwise." Sesshomaru said. That brought a smile to Kikyo and Suikotsu's face. They knew their baby girl had a crush on what Koga said was ice prince. And now, it seems he cared for her as well.

"You can have fifteen minutes with her and we have to get her ready for her flight. Only one of you can come along during the flight. They are fifteen minutes out." The Pediatric nurse said warmly.

It was decided that Kikyo would go with Rin and Suikotsu would drive up with Koga. Sesshomaru looked at Rin's mouth with a breathing tube on one side and a stomach tube in another. Then she had a tube up her nose to her intestine to feed her, A dobhoff they called it. She had a power picc in her left arm and mitt restraints so she didn't accidentally pull out her breathing tube. Sesshomaru felt a twist in his stomach. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her cheek and held her swollen hand.

"I promise that if the princess wakes from her sleep, her prince will wait for her to grow up, marry her and they will live happily ever after. Rin, you have to fight this. I promised to teach you piano. I promise to not fight with Inuyasha. I'll eat that chocolate pickle sandwich you always make for me. I even let you braid my hair. I..I.. can't lose you." he whispered.

"Rin,when you get better sis. I'll swing you in circles until we fall down. We'll go catch the biggest toad at the creek and I'll teach you to climb that big oak tree. Buds forever k?" Koga added. " And I'll make sure Sesshy eat all those gooey sandwiches."

Everyone was smiling and laughing. Rin brought laughter and warmth to all those she knew.

* * *

The air evac team came and loaded Rin into the helicopter. Kikyo waved to her husband, kissed him and said that she's be waiting for their arrival. As Suikotsu left, Tago stopped him.

" Why don't we go to my company for a second?" Toga asked. Suikotsu was confused. Toga's company was the other direction of where Rin was going.

"I've got a helicopter ready to take you to the city so your wife won't be waiting on you for 45 minutes to drive. I also have a house and campany car ready for you once you get there. I doubt my son will stay put if his best friends are an hour away. Besides, I have a business meeting tomorrow afternoon that I can now attend." Toga smiled.

Sesshomaru smirked. He does care for me after all.

Going back to the city brought back memories of his mother. She was a socialite and was born into wealth. Like his mother, he self-reliance and coldness was a trait passed from her. So was his looks. He had not seen her for two years and for a split second wondered if she was well. Of course she is well. She never needed anyone in her life, him included. His friends didn't know he was heir to a multimillion empire. He was glad that they were truly his friends and not friends because of his money. He was never spoiled though. His father kept him grounded and humble. He now understand that there were more important things than money. He had two reasons now.


	5. Mother Saved Her

I do not own Inuyasha

Mother saved her

* * *

Rin looked so small in her big room. Her face was now swollen from her kidney failure. Her oxygen need was so much more than when she was at their home town. She looked so different. The doctor came into the room and asked about doing dialysis if needed. They were only giving her a 50% chance of survival. They spoke about putting a tracheostomy tube if she was on the breathing machine for another week. Then they asked about possible organ donation if she were to die. Sesshomaru knew better. She will make it. She must. HE felt overwhelm at this point. He walked down the hallway and saw small chapel. He paused for a moment and walked in. He heard Rin's voice singing the humble prayer from a week before.

_I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there. _  
_I don't know if you will listen to a humble prayer. _  
_They tell me I am just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you..._  
_Still I see your face, and wonder, were you once an outcast too? _

_God help the outcasts, hungry from birth. _  
_Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth. _  
_The lost and forgotten, they look to you still. _  
_God help the outcasts, or nobody will. _

_I ask for nothing, I can get by. _  
_But I know so many less lucky than I. _  
_God help the outcasts, the poor and downtrod. _  
_I thought we all were the children of God. _

_I don't know if there's a reason; _  
_why some are blessed, some not. _  
_Why the few you seem to favor - _  
_they fear us, flee us, try not to see us._

_God help the outcasts, the tattered, the torn. _  
_Seeking an answer to why they were born. _  
_Winds of misfortune have blown them about._  
_You made the outcasts, don't cast them out. _

_The poor and unlucky, the weak and the odd. _  
_I thought we all were the children of God. _

"If there really is a God out there. I beg you. Please. Let Rin live. She has done nothing wrong. Let her be the light to warm the most distant of souls. Please. She.. she is my savior." Sesshomaru confess to the crucifix as tears flowed from his heart through his eyes. He did not notice a woman wearing a double fur coat in the corner with a smirk on her face.

* * *

"So my little Sesshomaru has grown up to an outstanding youth due to this girl? She looks rather plain. But if it makes him happy, I will see what my people can do for her. All this fuss for a girl. How he takes after you in the strangest ways." Inukimi stated. Lucky for them, She was director of most advance technology for Children's hospital at the same level as John Hopkins' or the Mayo clinic. In addition to research in bioengineering she was able to do private research in human bionic. (Think terminator)

"This is just formality. We want to try a new research mini machine to rebuild part of her lung and heart. I can not assure any results but if we do nothing, she will surely die." Inukimi stated.

"Mother, has the research been a success or is she your guinea pig?" Sesshomaru demanded.

".."

"Mother. Answer me. " His mother angered him by treating Rin like another lab rat.

"IF you take anymore time to think this over, our window of opportunity will be gone. Now will you let us try to save her or let her died slowly but surely?" Inukimi said turning around laving the family in disarray.

"I know my ex is not the kindest with words but her intentions are noble. Thanks to Sesshomaru she is willing to try this new procedure. " Toga explained.

"Thanks to me?" Sesshomaru asked." But I haven't spoken to her until now. How? Why would she?"

"You are her son, Sesshomaru. Your happiness means a lot to her. She has a hard time showing her feelings. But when she saw your distress, it became her priority to help heal Rin. Suikotsu, I will bet my company that Rin will be okay. Just sign the papers. She may have given you the option but she will also change her mind on a dime." Toga explained.

With signed papers in hand, they rushed Rin to the OR. After a 10 hour surgery Rin came back to the room looking the same. The doctor ordered all sedation to halt so they could see what Rin was doing on her own. It was midnight. She wouldn't wake up until six that morning. Everyone was leaving for the night but Sesshomaru refused to leave.

"You need rest my boy," Toga said,"You don't her to know you hadn't slept for over twenty-four hours do you? we'll be back first thing in the morning."

".."

"Let's go. Kikyo, call if anything happens." Toga pulled Sesshomaru, Koga, and Suikotsu back to his home.

* * *

"Father, it is 7. What if Rin is already awake and scared? Hurry. up." Sesshomaru called to his dad as he paced by the door.

When they arrived Kikyo was outside the door crying. She ran to Suikotsu when she saw them .

"Rin, she's.. she's," Kikyo had a hard time composing herself. She smiled widely," SHe's awake and okay."

Sesshomaru pushed the door open to see Rin sitting up and waving to him.

" Young man, she just had surgery and to be safe you need to wear a mask, gown and glove." A nurse stepped in front of him. The respiratory therapist and I are going to pull out her tubes so if you can just wait a minute we'll have her ready."

He was still outside the door listening in. He heard them tel Rin to take a big breath and let it out. Then take another big breath and cough. She was coughing and breathing on her own. They put a nasal cannula into her nose for a little help with oxygen. As soon as he heard them say come in, he was by her side with his hand on her cheek.

"Ses sho ma ru , " Rin said hoarsely.

"Everything is all right now,"Sesshomaru smiled with his eyes to let her know he was there for her.

"You guys are a very close family. Is she your sister?" the Nurse asked.

"She is not my sister. She is more important than that." was all Seshomaru could muster. He had never thought of what Rin was to him. He was 15 and she was 7. Boys his age were going on dates. Thinking of their future and looking at partying with friends. He was content with paper mache and watching Rin ballroom dance. He knew Rin adored him. He adored her too. But what was she to him? He did not know. But more importantly, he did not care. He wanted to be surrounded by people he cared for and nothing more.

* * *

" Mother, do you have a moment?" Sesshomaru said while standing outside his mom's office.

"Come in," Inukimi said," To what do I owe this visit, my son?"

"I want to thank you for healing Rin. And apologize for my outburst earlier. " Sesshomaru said.

" And?" Inukimi said anticipating. " Anything else?"

" I was hoping to get an internship with your research company when I graduated from high school here in two years."

"Very interesting. I will think about your request. You are excused." Inukimi said coldly. "By the way Sesshomaru, it was good to see you again. You have changed much my son."

Sesshomaru smirked. " So have you mother."


	6. A promise remembered

I do not own inuyasha.

Present time.

Rin woke up screaming and crying again. That awful dream. She touched her head and could not find a scar. She was sitting under the cherry tree. Rin could not understand why she had such horrific dreams. It felt so real though. Her heart ached so much for memories she lost. Mother superior took her in after her family was killed eight years ago. Her brother had been comatose since then. He was living at a rehab manor as a charity case. Her home burnt to the ground so there was nothing left to help spark her memory. The neurologist said the bullet slid on her skull and exited her head without doing too much damage, but the psychologist believe the incident was so painful for her eight year old mind to accept, she just locked it all away.

Then what were these dreams she was having? But she heard something in her dream that made her very happy. Somewhere out there, someone was waiting for her.

It all started when she bumped into a researcher at the Children's Mercy Hospital in the city. Rin's convent went there singing christmas carols. During a break she followed a beautiful piano piece echoing in the chapel. It left her crying for she felt the pain and anguish of the song. It shouldn't be like that she thought to herself.

"Excuse me sir, your ending to that piece is wrong. It's hopelessness I hear. But I know I've heard it somewhere before and the ending has a spark of hope." Rin said.

She has grown to a beautiful young lady. Long black wavy hair, big brown eyes covered with lashes, pink cheeks and a small waist. The pianist only stood and left. A surgical hat covered his head and mask covered his face. His eyes were amber but listless. Rin noticed he left a small heart-shaped card with stick figures holding hands on the piano so she rushed to return it to him.

"Sir, it this yours?" She said while examining the card closer. Just then she bumped into his arm and almost fell when he caught her waist. She balanced herself with her hands on his chest. His eyes were captivating and it left her breathless.

"I'm so sorry. Thank you for that. Here's your card. " She rushed out feeling her heart racing out of the blue. Something held her back though as she reached the door. " Um. You look sad sir. My sisters and I are singing in the pediatric ward in a bit, if you are free you should come by. " She gave him her trademark smile from ear to ear and left.

Woah those were some intense eyes. She felt ashamed that she reacted so strongly to a strangers' stare. But when he held her waist, she felt a sense of familiarity.

"Silly Rin, you've never been here before, how would you have met that silent stranger?" she asked herself as she hurried back to the Peds floor.

Back in the chapel, the masked man stood silently staring at the girl that just left. Rin, I can't face you. Sesshomaru said looking at her card.

* * *

Flashback to eight years ago

When he came through the front door, the masked attacker had aimed his handgun at Rin. Luckily she heard him crying out her name and turned her head, causing the bullet to graze her head instead of through her head. She lost consciousness though. Sesshomaru went crazy. He jumped over the furniture and ripped the gun out of the assailant's hand dislocating his thumb. Then he head butt the attacker and pull that guys' arms backward so far he dislocated both shoulders. He chased down the other two men and it took five police guys to stop Sesshomaru. He didn't even notice the attackers had shot him twice.

"Get. out .of. my. way." was all the police could understand as he lashed out on the three men.

"Rin's alive. Go to her." Toga said when he finally arrive. His anger dissipated instantly as the ambulance started pulling Koga's and RIn's body onto the gourneys. The others were DOA (dead on arrival).

"I was too late. I couldn't save them," Sesshomaru dropped his head in defeat.

* * *

Later that week when Rin woke up, she lost her memory. Everytime someone tried to help her remember the past her head felt like blowing up and she would pass out for weeks at a time. Sesshomaru could not bear seeing her in so much pain he stopped visiting her and watched from behind the curtains when she was interacting with the psychologist.

"You look better today Rin. " She spoke with the calm demeanor. " Anymore bad dreams?"

"No, not since they stopped asking me questions. I feel really good right now. But there's something missing. I don't know what or who. But I feel lost without it." Rin said trying to figure out a sense of hopelessness.

" You did lose you family. That might be it." She continued.

" You're probably right. Thanks Mrs. Lauren for all your help these past four months." Rin said looking out the window. " In the forest, in the breeze, in the mountains, in my dreams..lalalalala where are you?" she hummed.

"What's that song? I haven't heard that one before." Mrs. Lauren asked.

"That's all I can remember. I think it's a song where I am waiting for someone to return to me. Someone very special." She said as tears rolled down her eyes." But that is all I can remember."

* * *

Koga was shot in the head and was in a vegatative state. Nothing they tried would get him to responds other than painful stimuli. To take the burden off Rin, Sesshomaru moved Koga to a private manor where he had round the clock care. He told them to tell her it was a charity case so she would not worry.

All this for a robbery. They were good people. The only one he called friends and they were cut down for a mere five thousand dollars of gifts the local news had announced.

* * *

Once Rin fully recovered, the nuns at the church her parents worshipped at agreed to take her in. Mediation and prayers did a remarkable job of healing her spirit and today, she was strong enough to share her pain and healed heart with the sick children.

Rin was blessed with music. The song that flowed out of her warm the hearts of the children at the ward. Her stories of recovery and self discovery gave them hope.

One kid asked her," What do you have planned for your future?"

Rin replied with a smile,"It took me a long time to recover so I was homeschooled by my sisters. I took the GED last month and passed it. I plan to go to college and get an intership here so I can continue to help other people heal."

"Besides, I must find my prince charming. He promised me that if I woke up, he would wait until I was older, marry me and we would live happily ever after." Rin's giggles made everyone laugh.

Everyone but one. He gasped. She remembered.


	7. Sorry for confusion

Notes to you.

First off, thanks so much for reviewing. Sorry for the confusion. I had written this before I went on vacation and my computer died so I was trying to rewrite this. I'll summarize chapters I've got out.

Ch 1: Present day Rin with flashback of day of tragedy.

Ch2-4: Meeting and relationship building of Rin and sesshomaru and other characters. This happens 11 years ago and 3 years before tragedy. Rin dies once at about 7, one year before tragedy, is brought back to life(first hospital) and Sess mom saves her the second time. It takes her a year to heal up. During which she learns to play the piano and is featured in the local news. The day of tragedy is the day she performs on the piano. Robbers come by and kills everyone but because she turn her head at last-minute, it grazed her skull. Trauma causes her to have amnesia and She blacks out when she tried to remember. Looking at sess makes her remember so he left.

ch5-7. Rin grows up at convent no problems. Toga pretends to be a sick kid and write to convent asking for christmas carol. They come and sing. SHe runs into Sess but since he was wearing typical dr gear( surgical mask and head covering hair) does not recognize him but something inside her awakens. Her memories. A couple of months later, she wake up from nap with this dreams/memories. This is where ch 1 starts.

The rest is in the present. Rin struggles with abandonment issues and Sess with his feelings. With help of love ones to bring them back together. I am believer that if your life sucks at the beginning, the rest should be smooth sailing. Why? Because this is my story and I said so. =)


	8. Memories of us

i do not own inuyasha

'She remembers. But I thought she was in pain every time she thought of me, of her past.' Sesshomaru thought.

He was trying hard to compose himself. His emotions died the day he lost her. The day she forgot about him.

He finished school and took an internship at his mother's hospital at he same time he finished his bachelor's double major in biochemistry and mechanical engineering. He continued to get his D.O. and is in charge of private research. At 24, he was an accomplished man.

Women young and old often flirted with him, patients included. He dated a few people but could always find something wrong with the relationship. No one lasted more than two months with him. He lived and worked for himself. He needed no one. Not anymore.

Toga saw his son slipping away but was helpless to intervene. Sesshomaru never did understand his emotions and with the loss of his friends, his emotions died to. Toga was proud of his son's accomplishments but mourn the loss of seeing him truly happy and smiling. He tried to visit Rin once she was better but Sesshomaru threatened to never see him again if Rin regressed at all. He wasn't sure what was worst: losing the warm good nature boy his son had become or losing his son altogether. He made a gamble. He sent a letter to the convent saying that kids in the ward were lonely for the holidays and was hoping to see caroling. He prayed that somehow Rin would be singing at the hospital and hopefully meet Sesshomaru. With the connection they had, he believed that their meeting would help Rin overcome her pain and help Sesshomaru move on.

* * *

Her convent sisters came again for spring break. Toga and Izayoi thanked the sisters and Rin and invited them to the party they were having on the Pediatric ward. It wasn't much. Couple trays of meats, crackers,cheeses, fruits and veggies and a lemon lime sorbet punch bowl. Of course cookies, cupcakes and pies had their own table. Rin looked at Toga for a while. Something was rekindling on the back of her mind. A very warm feeling. Toga and Isayoi looked at Rin then each other. They were hoping she remembered them. At the corner, the quiet stranger also held his breath as the watch the scene in front of him unfold.

"Do...do I know you? You look so familiar. You make me feel very calm inside. Have we met somewhere?" Rin asked intently.

"Yes dear. But can you remember anything else? Like who I am or if I had kids?" Toga asked prying. "Don't push yourself though. I don't want your head to hurt."

" I.. I don't know. My memory comes and go in spurts. Thank you for your concerns. I have not had a headache for six years now. I was not able to handle the death.. my loss very well when I wan younger. But I am better now. I am sure of it. I was wondering if you had kids. For some reason I can see faintly two boys with you. On little one about my age and another.. ow" Rin sat down in place holding her head. Tears ran down her eyes and she started sobbing.

"Rin, it's okay. don't force it. Are you okay?" Toga asked as he helped her up.

"I'm okay. Thank you again. I just felt a pain in my chest. I can almost see his face. Yes. I am certain it is a boy's face. Sir, will you please tell me what happened to me eight years ago. I know you know. I need to hear details and everyone is walking on eggshells around me. I just want to know!" Rin said with her voice ascending with each sentence.

Sister Kagome walked over and held her shoulder. "Don't do this to yourself. You should leave the past in the past and live from this day forth."

"Sister Kagome. I know. I promise it's not that. I just want closure. I keep having nightmare of that day over and over. But there was a voice. A shadow with silver hair that whispered in my ear saying,"I promise that if the princess wakes from her sleep, her prince will wait for her to grow up, marry her and they will live happily ever after. Rin, you have to fight this. I promised to teach you piano. I promise to not fight with Inuyasha. I'll eat that chocolate pickle sandwich you always make for me. I even let you braid my hair. I..I.. can't lose you." Rin said crying again. "It gives me hope but despair at the same time. Because who ever he is, he seem to know me, love me, and was waiting for me. I need to know why he left me!"

Sesshomaru's eyes widen. Left her? He did not leave her. She was in so much pain when she saw him all she did was pass out and went unresponsive for weeks on end. Seeing him was too much for her. How could he stay by her side when all he could do was inflict more pain on her!? He was out of sight, yes. BUt he never left her. He just...

Toga shot Sesshomaru a glance. Sesshomaru understood now. Although it was painful to lose her family, him leaving too made her feel abandoned. He left her alone. He left her. It was all his fault she was in pain. Once she was better, he was too much of a coward to face her so he left the town and moved to the city.

"Mr Toga. I used to come over to your house and play with an older boy. He watched out for me and took care of me. He would play the piano for me. He.. said he adored me. I was a child then. We were so young. I didn't care that he was so much older than I was. I was so naïve." Rin said as the memories flooded back. "He must have thought of me as a fool. I was. That's why he was able to leave so easily."

Sesshomaru unconsciously inched towards Rin. No. Leaving her in that town and going to the city was the hardest thing he had to do. He was sick for two weeks because he had missed her so much. He.. he loved her.

RIn suddenly felt angry. This boy that haunted her dreams was supposed to care for her. What he did was the complete opposite. So many emotions were overwhelming her heart and mind. She wanted to let it go. She needed to say what was weighing her soul down for so long.

" Why did you leave me?" Rin cried out," You disappeared when I needed you most. Sesshomaru!"

With that she collapse into darkness for her heart could take no more.


	9. A Mother's plea

I do not own inuyasha

"Rin. You're finally awake. Are you okay? You've been out for two days." Kagome said. " I called Mother Superior and told her what happened. The doctors here wanted to keep you here for observation."

"What? Two days? Where's Mr Toga? I have so many questions..." Rin asked looking around before she saw Izayoi and ...Inuyasha. "Inuyasha? Is that you? Boy, you've grown so much. Are you still a cry baby?" Rin asked suprising herself that she was remembering more.

"feh. I was a kid then. If you want a rematch, I'll give you one, you little snot." Inuyasha huffed with a smile. Rin was the reason his older brother even acknowledge him. He always wanted to see Rin but no one would let him. He was relieved that she was getting her memory back. "I'm glad you're back." The two continued to talk and even laughed at the memories she was regaining.

Rin smiled. She made a break through. She remembered things about Inuyasha that didn't cause her to faint or pain. Just then she noticed Inuyasha eyeing her friend. "Inuyasha, this is my good sister Kagome. She's been my best friend for the past seven years. She's fiery like you. She's the closest thing I've got for a family."

"Stupid. What about my family? I thought you were my sister growing up ya know?" Inuyasha said accusingly.

Rin smiled. Of course they were always together because she was always with his brother. But thinking of him was something else. It hurt to think of him.

Sesshomaru was in the corner with Toga.

"What are you going to do now that she is awake?" Toga asked. "Will you see her and explain or will you run?"

" She is no longer my concern. It is obvious that she hates me now. Just thinking of me made her pass out for three days. She wants nothing to do with me. So be it. I will do as she wishes." Sesshomaru said as he felt his heart crumple into oblivion.

"Son, please listen to me. Go to her. Ask for forgiveness and try to heal together. You need it as much as she does." Toga pleaded with his son. He knew Sesshomaru's pride was in the way of him finding happiness. Seshomaru said nothing and left. This was not working out the way he hoped. He needed help. He needed someone to reach Sesshomaru in a way he can not. He needed his ex to work her magic now.

* * *

"To what do I owe for you gracing me with your presence?" Inukimi asked sarcastically. " You know we don't do business. And Sesshomaru is old enough to work for whomever he wants to." She was ecstatic when Sesshomaru asked to work for her. She felt smug because Sesshomaru had chosen her over Toga. She wasn't going to give him up as easily as she did when he was younger.

" I am actually in need of your assistance with Sesshomaru. Tell me. Do you like how he is now or when he was here with Rin?" Toga asked. "Did you like seeing him smile?"

"Preposterous. Of course I prefered the happy lad with hope in his eyes but it pains her to see him. And it kills him to acknowledge that. I can not heal her. What is a mother to do?" She sighed.

"Talk to your son. Tell him it is okay to be wrong. He needs to let go of that pride and speak to her. Ask for a chance if he wants to have that love back. He was too young to understand that he truly loved Rin. Not puppy love or lustful love. But true love. Loving a person for being that person." He explained.

"I do not believe I am the best candidate to speak of love in such terms." Inukimi smirked." That _Love_ is not my forte. But crushing another's pride is something I shall enjoy."

"Don't be too harsh. He is your son." Toga replied worry of what he just got Sesshomaru into.

"Toga. For you to have asked me, I am aware of how sensitive the situation is. I am glad to see that you still trust me at some level. You have my word. The boy will make amends. Now if you don't mind, some of us do work for a living." pointing her ex out of her office.

Toga smiled. It is amazing how much of her antics Sesshomaru possessed even though he dispised the insinuation.

"Mother you called for me?" Sesshomaru stated. "I am amidst of a break through. Please do not pester me with medial tasks."

"My my son. You are more temperamental than ever today. Pray tell what irked you so?" Inukimi asked. "Toga tells me that child Rin is here to cheer up the kids on the pediatric floor but she passed out and scared them. I better get rid of her before she cause these sick kids undue stress." she said waving her hand.

"You will do no such thing, Mother. Leave her be. She will be gone soon." Sesshomaru said venomously. "If you hurt her in any way, you will regret it."

"No dear. That is something _YOU_ have already done. Most people apologize for their indiscretions. You however, feel above it so you "let things be" rather than bring closure. You and I are one in the same. But see me as your model and beware. You may lose all you hold dear for this pride of yours. Reflect and be honest with yourself. Life is too short to live in regret."

"Mother.. I.." Sesshomaru was speechless for a change. He never heard nor felt so much turmoil and emotion in his mother's voice. She truly cared for him enough to have this talk with him. Love or Pride? How can he chose something he knew nothing of? What if Rin rejects him, not returning his feelings? How will he continue?

" If you are wondering about what if's, son, you are still holding on to your pride." Inukimi said dryly. "I heard this saying once. Take what you can from it and decide. But do not take too long because once the heart moves on... you lose. 'Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." With that Inukimi left Sesshomaru to go to meeting.

Love endures all things. Is the bond that holds them together really love? Can he and Rin endure this? To step into the unknown and have no control was something he was not sure he could do.

*1 Corinthians 13: 4-7*


	10. Sesshomaru

i do not own inuyasha

Sesshomaru wandered the hospital halls endlessly. He wanted to go to the pediatric floor to ask Rin for forgiveness but didn't know where to start. Just then he heard the piano playing in the chapel and entered. There was his Rin playing _Marriage d'amour _on the piano. She stopped for a minute. Then she played a new song. The lyrics spoke the feelings at stake.

Hear O Lord the sound of my call  
Hear O Lord and have mercy  
My soul is longing for the glory of you  
O hear O Lord and answer me.  
[Chorus]

v1.  
Every night before I sleep  
I pray my soul to take  
Or else I pray that loneliness  
Is gone when I awake.

Chorus

v2.

Why do I no longer feel  
Like I've a place to stay?  
O take me where someone will care  
So fear will go away.

Chorus

v3.  
In you Lord I place my cares  
And all my troubles too  
O grant, dear Lord, that some day soon  
I'll live in peace with you.

Chorus

Tears silently fell down as she sat there with a distant gaze. Her memories have completely return the moment she muttered his name. Sesshomaru. Although she blurted angrily when his name came back to her, she was never angry at him.

She was in no state for visitors back then. Right now her emotions were on a roller coaster and she would cry in an instant. Growing up and being a teenager was very confusing. Her feelings were so fragile and although she thought she had control over them, the truth was they controlled her every actions. All she ever wanted was to be by his side, forever.

Now she didn't even know where he was. She didn't want to ask Toga that day because of her stupid pride. Yes. She knew if she were not so prideful, she might have been able to hear how Sesshomaru had been. He probably forgotten all about her and is married somewhere. Her chest tightened again. She should be glad he is happy, but she wanted him to be happy with..._her_. He belongs with her. She walked closer to the altar and sat at the front row.

"Lord, will I ever find where I belong?" She sobbed.

Sesshomaru was in turmoil. He wanted to reach her and hold her. He wanted to take her loneliness and fear away. Be her fortress and comfort her. He wanted to be hers. He walked up to the sobbing girl and sat next to her. Then he placed a hand on her shoulder.

Rin was startled. She didn't realize anyone else was there, let alone next to her. She looked up through her bangs. Her tears dangling at the edge of her lashes. She sniffled. "I'm so sorry. oh, It's you again." It was that masked stranger. Her eyes revealed the questions weighing down in her mind. 'I was a burden to him kind stranger. Why would he want to see me again.'

Sesshomaru looked deep into her eyes. His amber ones open wide as though answering her and she could feel the response. 'He did not think of you as a burden and he longs to see you everyday. He was afraid for you.'

Rin breath hitched. His stare warmed her to the core. She heard the answer in her head from the eyes of her masked stranger. Was she imagining this? She wanted to do another test. 'If you can read my thoughts masked stranger, please hold me.'

Sesshomaru saw a sparkle in her eyes. He knew all the signs she would give for everything she wanted when she was younger. Her eyes were begging for a... hug. It's now or never. He reached out and wrap his arms around her. He felt her stiffen up at first, but then her arms circled his waist and he felt her grip tighten.

How did he? Maybe he has ESP or something. She was at a research hospital after all and he was a researcher. She didn't give it much thought because the moment she relaxed, a feeling of peace washed over her. This stranger must have been sent from heaven to comfort her. She held on tighter. She didn't want to lose this feeling of contentment. But he was a stranger to her. How was she to see him again if she wanted to? And what if he had a special someone already? She was a stranger to him. She slowly pulled away when his eye captured hers so intently.

Sesshomaru felt her pulling away. No Rin, I won't let you go. He wasn't sure what he could do to keep her stop her from leaving. He searched her eye for answer but he saw hesitation. And then he saw and sensed her dejected state. He wiped a tear threatening to fall from the corner of her eye, leaned in, and kissed her on her lips with his mask on.

Her eyes widen. He kissed her. She didn't know what to do as her eyes closed. Then she felt him move away for a second and she felt his lips on hers, without a mask. She wasn't sure why she was responding to him like this. SHe was taught better. She had never thought of kissing anyone and here she is, pouring her soul into a kiss with a man she met twice. His hungry, needy lips sent a chill down her spine. His touch put her hairs on end and his hold on her made her heart race. The warmth from his body enwrapped her.

When he pulled away this time, she felt their foreheads touching. He slid her head to rest in the crook of his neck. Then he spoke her name. His voice flashed a jolt of lightning through her whole body.

"Forgive me Rin for being such a fool. I have missed you."

Rin's voice hitched. The masked stranger was.." Sesshomaru."


	11. A chance

i do not own inuyasha

Rin frozed. The stranger in her arms was Sesshomaru. The one who abandoned her. The one who could not protect her. The one who left a hole in her heart. The one she had always loved. The one she longed to see, to be with. The one whom haunts her dreams. Her eyes scanned his face. He had grown much from her memory. His face was longer and jaw line was more pronounce. His shoulder widen with muscles.

She reached up to his surgical cap and took it off. His silver hair was in a pony tail but down to his shoulders. She used her hands to trace his features. She started from his fore head , around his ears, across his cheeks to his nose, down to his lips and back around his neck. She was trying to take in all his features just in case he were to disappear from her life again. Lord, how she missed him. She missed holding his hand, leaning on his chest, and sleeping on his lap. She missed how he would be so expressionless when she can see the laughter in his eyes. She missed how he took her fears away with one single word.

"Rin, please forgive this Sesshomaru for all his mistakes. I am not good at expressing myself. I do not expect you to forgive me for making a hasty decision I thought was right for you and not consulting you for it. All the same, I hope you can find it in your heart to allow this Sesshomaru to make amends. But know this, I will fight to stay by your side. no matter what you decide, there will be none other than you whom holds my heart."

She started to cry. "Please don't let this be a dream. I can't do this again." She cried softly sliding out of his arms to the ground.

Sesshomaru was at a lost. How else can he show her how much he missed her, how he felt about her?

He sat on the ground in front of her and lifted her chin with his finger. " RIn, I..I love you. I am in love with you and only you."

He leaned into her for another kiss. This time his lips softly caressed her top lip, then bottom lip before suckling her mouth. She felt her whole body heat ten times more than her cheeks. She started panting and felt shivers rush through her body.

Sesshomaru was lost again but in heaven. Her lips responded to his sending jolts down his body and making him lose more control with every ticking moment. They pulled apart and looked at one another in silence.

Rin adored this boy. Correction, this man in front of her. All the doubts and pain she held were sooth in an instance. He nearly destroyed his image in her heart when he left her, but redeemed himself also. Then she remembered the kiss.

Does this mean they are together? The nuns raised her so she had never dated before. Not that she was in any mind-set for such things. She was not a nun herself but through the years she had learned many conservative ideals from them. Like she should never be alone with a man especially at night. Her body is a sacred temple and should only be touched by her husband. Her first kiss was with a man she loved but he has changed. Can she trust him so easily after all the heartbreak and pain she endured? Would he leave if something else threaten to tear them apart? Will he run again or truly fight for her like he said?

Trust is easily lost but hard to build. She did not know what her heart wanted. She was sure she was past this pain but having him so close made her more confused.

"I.. need some time to sort out my feelings. I don't know if I can trust you." She said quietly turning her head from him. "I know nothing of you."

Sesshomaru shoulders sank. He knew that she was disappointed in him. He knew first hand the anger of feeling abandoned by someone you trust. His mother did just that. It took her saving someone important to him for him to forgive her. But he had not truly trust her until she came to talk to him. She bare all her pain and scars for him so he would not make the mistake she did and lose the one thing he cared about.

"I will never leave you again. You have my word." Sesshomaru said holding on to the last bit of composure he had. "I will tell you everything you want to know about me. You need only asked."

Rin still would not look at him. She knew if she did, She would give in and not have a relationship with him built on mutual respect and trust. But she was surprise at what she saw when she finally looked into his eyes.

Rin did not look at him, Sesshomaru thought. She was so upset she did not want to look at him. He felt like she was beyond his grasp again, he was losing her again. He let a tear trickle down his cheek.

"Sesshomaru. I," Rin was taken aback when she saw the teardrop." I want you to court me. Convince me of your intentions. Leave me with no doubts of you, of us. And let time heal us both. "

Sesshomaru eyes opened wide. A chance. She said she wants to be courted. She will never ever doubt his intentions, he will make sure of it. She spoke with the maturity of a woman beyond her years. She has grown into a wonderful person. He would abide with her wishes just as he always had.

"Would you care to join me for lunch then Rin?" He asked

After a moment of silence she replied with a beaming smile with joy,"Yes, I would."


	12. getting to know you

i do not own inuyasha

Sesshomaru and Rin went to the Garden Market Cafe at the hospital to eat and get acquainted.

"What would you like Rin? " Sesshomaru asked.

Rin looked around. There were so many things to choose from. There was a salad bar, a baked potatoes bar, deli bar, then the fast food section with burgers, fries and pizza. So many choices. She usually ate whatever the nuns had cooking. THere was no decision in that respect. What to pick?

Sesshomaru glanced at Rin pouting her lips, squinting her eyes and tapping a finger on her lips. She used to do that when she was younger when she couldn't make up her mind.

"Why don't you get us a seat and I'll pick something out? " Sesshomaru whispered into her ear.

The warmth of his breath lingered on her ear and warmed her neck. Her cheeks flushed uncontrollably and she felt her whole face burn up. How does he do that? When she was younger, his words would stop her in mid sentence and left her staring at him. Now, she felt like she was on fire. She could have sworn it was 60 degrees farenheit in the hospital a second ago and now it's getting way too hot. Did they turn on the furnace she thought to herself. She walked away pouting even more.

Then she saw a small bench outside the café with a garden view. That's where she wanted to sit. She turned around and ran into a strong, hard chest radiating an earthy aroma.

Sesshomaru knew instantly she wanted to go outside by the garden when she took a longer time looking there. He has grabbed two small personal pan pizza, salads and water, paid and walked towards Rin.

"You okay Rin? Good choice. Let's go." he said to her.

She smiled. Just like old days.

* * *

"Rin, you have another letter." Kagome said. Kagome smiled. She had one too. Both from the silver hair brothers.

Rin was back at the convent after her encounter with Sesshomaru. They decided to take things slowly. The convent had internet and a computer but it was only for researching and doing class work for sunday school. The phone was only for emergency and church related business. Rin and Sesshomaru wrote letters to each other. SHe was surprised with the first letter three days after she got back and came to expect them once a week.

Sesshomaru had to cover every other weekend so he visited her on the weekends he was off call. Their visits were simple. He would ask permission the week before to take Rin on a picnic within a certain time frame. He came to pick her up with daisies, they go to t he lake and talk about their week through lunch. He would bring her back to the church and stay for saturday mass. The next morning they would have brunch at the church after mass again. He would say his goodbyes and leave for the city.

He wanted Rin confident in him and kept his distance. He wanted her to come to him when she felt more comfortable. Every now and then she would touch his hand, lean on him, or even a peck on his cheek. Their first kiss as a couple came three months into their relationship. It happened on her birthday. He was stroking her hair in silence when he heard her say something he'd never forget.

"Thank you Sesshomaru for letting me learn who you are. You always do things for me even when I don't deserve it. I'm not sure why you care so much but I am glad you chose me. I love you." She said snuggling closer to him.

He lifted her chin up," I have love for no one but you. I will continue for the rest of my life to prove my love for you." With that he leaned in and kissed her. THey started with short lip contact and grew to suckling and nibbling. Soon the two were on the ground lips attacking lips sneaking breathes in without loss of contact. His hands started to wander off her neck, down her shoulders and settled at her waist. Her hands tangled in his hair. The heat from her body starting from her stomach grew and traveled down to her legs. She pulled away abruptly leaving him hanging.

"I'm not ready for that. I got carried away. " she looked ashamed and apologetically into his eyes.

"Rin, you need not apologize. I should have been more in control. I did not mean to scare you." Sesshomaru was reassuring her. "Just being with you is enough for me."

She smiled widely. SHe was head over heels for this man. He let her take lead in the intimacy they were to have at her comfort. He never pressured her into anything. He somehow always mange to leave her breathless. Everything was falling into place.

"Rin, I need to ask you something." Sesshomaru said nervously.

Just then Sesshomaru's cell was ringing. " Hello. This is he. Yes I understand. I will be coming." Sesshomaru said quietly. Then he turn to Rin and held her face in both hands.

"Rin, I want you to take a deep breath. Good. That was the manor care for Koga. He stopped breathing this morning and they called EMS. He is at the hospital at the city. I will take you...Rin.. RIn.. stay with me!" Sesshomaru was yelling now.

Rin fainted when she heard her brother stopped breathing. She knew Toga was in a vegetative state but they always told her he could still breath. Now her only family left is gone. She had no one left. She is truly alone in this world. Darkness crept over her before she realized and all she heard was a faint cry from Sesshomaru as she fell back.

*Hey there. Thanks for hanging in there up to now. I'm awaiting approval to use a poem for the next chapter so it may be awhile, prob 10 days. This poem works well into the story. I'm wrapping this up in 2 or 3 more chapters. Sorry I do not do lemon too well. The next chapter has a lot of medical terms and procedures. I'll explain it as well as I can in the story without taking too much from it.

Thanks again for all your reviews. God bless.


	13. For something gained, is something lost

I do not own Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru carried Rin back to the convent and explained the situation to Mother superior. He then showed her a small box and bowed with a question.

"Kagome, go with Rin on this leg of her journey. Your support will be needed. I pray the Lord to heal her heart and soul. And Sesshomaru, I give you my blessing. Take care of Rin. She is a lost lamb who still needs guidance and love. I have watched her from the day she was born. Her happiest times are with her family and love ones. I am glad her eyes are sparkling again and I know you are the reason. Do not disappoint me." Mother superior said handing him a letter of release from custody.

"I shall treasure her with every breath I take. She is life itself. We will make it through this. Thank you so much. I will continue to help her heal and grow." Seshomaru bowed again. He carried Rin to the car with Kagome behind them and left for the city.

Rin woke up fifteen minutes into the car ride. She was leaning on Kagome's shoulder. Tears instantly poured down. Sesshomaru hated he could not comfort her. He needed to get them to the hospital safely. They still had twenty more minutes to go. Kagome said nothing to Rin. She held Rin in her arms and the two sobbed. She too had no one to call family and knew what it felt like to watch them die slowly. Kagome and Rin were good friends because they lived through horrific events. Sharing pain was the only way to move on. It doesn't mean it is forgotten, it means it was accepted. Only then will someone be able to continue living.

Once they arrived, Sesshomaru escorted Rin to the ICU. Her brother had a breathing tube in his mouth. His heart was beating 45 times a minute. There was a pad over his right chest and one to his left side. The doctor had explained that although they were able to revive him, his heart was slowing down again and they would have to pace his heart from the outside. Rin slowly walked up to him. Although his heart was beating, she felt he was gone. Truth be told. She knew he was gone a long time ago. Every time she visited him, there was no response. Just because he was breathing, does that mean he was alive? Was her brother living? The next few words would put her on edge for hours to come.

"Miss, I am sorry to have to tell you this. But your brother is in very critical condition. We will be doing a brain flow test to see if he has any blood flow to his brain. We did a neuro test for brain death already and it confirms that he has no neurological responses. We have contacted the Midwest Transplant Team to begin the organ donation process. We would generally need family consent but you are a minor so it falls to the patient's guardian to sign the release. That would be you, Mr Tashio." The doctor handed him some forms.

Rin's eyes widen in confusion. How was Sesshomaru Koga's guardian? WHen their parents died, Koga and Rin became orphans. With no relatives alive, they became ward of the state. Koga was in the hospital so when did Sesshomaru become his guardian? You had to be an adult legally to take that kind of responsibilities. She was his sister and she had no say in what was to happen to him. What in the world was going on? She couldn't handle all these feeling and thoughts so she turned and ran out of the ICU.

"She needs to figure this one out herself. Stand by her. Be there so she can hold on to you when she needs to. God will do the rest." Kagome said to Sesshomaru before he turned and ran after Rin.

Sesshomaru followed the sound of a muffled cry to the chapel. "This place was where I realized her importance in my life. It was how we were reunited after eight years. Can it heal her heart now?" Sesshomaru asked himself as he pushed the door silently and walked inside.

There a little aways from the altar was his Rin sobbing with hiccups. "I don't want to be alone. I miss you all so much. Lord Father, why me? You said you would never give me anything I was not able to handle. WHat makes you think I can handle this?! I can't. I am so lost. I need your help." she cried out.

Sudden the candles in the room glowed with a warm light. A breeze from nowhere swept across her and enveloped her. She felt a brush on her cheek and her whole body tingled. Peace washed over her soul. Then she remember the footprints poem by Mary Stevenson.

_One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord._  
_Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky._  
_In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand._  
_Sometimes there were two sets of footprints._  
_Other times there were one set of footprints._  
_This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life_  
_When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,_  
_I could see only one set of footprints._  
_So I said to the Lord, "You promised me, Lord,_  
_That if I followed you, you would walk with me always._  
_But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life_  
_There have only been one set of prints in the sand._  
_Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"_  
_The Lord replied,_  
_"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints_  
_Is when I carried you."_

She bowed her head and muttered words of praise. Her family was gone but never forgotten. Her brother's heart kept beating all these years until he knew she was safe once again. Her brother's spirit surrounded her with love.

She looked up to see Sesshomaru there. He was always there for her, either right in front or behind the scenes. He was her strength and her future. She smiled at him. Her eyes were those of adoration and love. Her eye shown the appreciation that she was blessed to have him. Sesshomaru walked up to her and held her close.

"It is I blessed with your presence and love." Sesshomaru said with a feather light kiss on her lips.

THey walked hand in hand back to her brother's room. She nodded at Kagome for reassurance.

"Doctor, I understand what you are saying. If it is not too much to ask, I would like to know whom my brother's organs would go to and their progress. He will always live in my heart. Even in death, he will continue to help others live. That's the kind person he was and I want to honor his memory as such." Rin said to the attending physician.

"We'll start the paper work. It takes a few hours to find matches for his organs. Thank you my dear. " the doctor said.

Rin stayed at Koga's bedside and told him stories of her and Sesshomaru minus some steamy details. She held his hand and sang songs to him. Early the next morning, they came to take him away. She had come to terms with the situation but still ended up weeping as her brother went to the OR for harvesting, disappearing forever from her eyes.

* * *

*End notes

Whenever a patient come into the hospital and is on the ventilator, Midwest is notified for a potential organ donation. The patients are called donors. The is two types of organ donation process. One is when the patient is declared brain-dead which is the legal time of death on paper. The other is where patient's survival is minimal and family decides to withdraw care; organs are collected after the heart stops. Both are devastating to the families involve and are difficult even for a trained person. Being part of the transplant team means you deal with this once a week or more. It is worst when the donor is under 18.


	14. A new begining

I do not own Inuyasha

The last four weeks has been a blur to RIn. She had been so stressed Sesshomaru had to arrange the funeral transport back to their small town and the service once they were there. Sesshomaru held her close when they buried Koga alongside her parents. A feeling of loneliness washed over her.

Just then she felt Sesshomaru's hand give her arm a squeeze. She knew that as long as he was by her side, she could continue being the happy, caring, and loving girl she once was. She would never be lonely again.

A few weeks later Sesshomaru and Rin took a walk along the church. So many memories were made there in church and in the multipurpose room. Then they continued to the oak tree where they first met. Sesshomaru stopped and tapped Rin on the shoulder to bring her out of her thoughts. Rin looked up at him, then looked around.

"This is where we met. It feels like forever ago." Rin said with a weak smile. Yes, that was the day she met her best friend.

"Rin, I know we agreed to go slow but I want you to know I am ready to be with you forever. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life loving and caring for you. " Sesshomaru said as he got down on one knee and pulled out a small black box. "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Rin's eyes teared up instantly and jumped on her now fiancée. A big smile cover her face from ear to ear. "Yes! Yes! Sesshomaru, yes! But I'm not an adult, we can't get married until I am 18." Just another year she thought.

"I have taken care of that issue. Mother Superior signed the forms a month ago. " Sesshomaru said calmly. " I want us to be married as soon as we can, once you tell me what you want and where you want us to live afterwards."

Rin could not believe this. If he hadn't receive a phone call that day, they would be planning their wedding now or even married.

Then her thought wandered back to that afternoon when they almost. 'Whew, it was getting really warm here,' Rin thought.

Sesshomaru couldn't help but chuckle at his soon to be wife. She was reminiscing something that cause her cheeks and face to turn all red. Then she started to take deep breaths to calm herself.

"Rrrin," Sesshomaru said seductively," What are you thinking about?"

Rin gulped. This is not good. SHe was feeling hot and with his tone, she couldn't think anymore. "No fair. You know I've got a lot on my mind. And I just can't can't"

Sesshomaru slammed his lips onto hers kneading, suckling, pushing, swallowing her whole. This did not help her facial color or warmth. She felt heat from her belly send shock waves all over and ending at her... and she was wet.

" Ses...sho...ma...ru," RIn said barely audible," I...you...wedding night." Was all she was able to say between the breathing rest he allowed her.

Sesshomaru smirked and pulled Rin in for a long hug. " We will wait my love. But please don't let me wait too long."

Rin giggled. To her, he was the perfect gentleman. Yes, this was going to be a simple but quick wedding. "All I want is for the wedding be at this church. It means a lot to me having by family nearby for such a life changing event. I like yellow and white for the colors. And, I want a small wedding. Just close family and friends. "

"Your wish is my command, my lady." Sesshomaru said bowing down. This would not take long to plan.

"Sesshomaru, where would you like to live?" Rin asked timidly. SHe knew he was head researcher at the hospital. His research could eventually become a breakthrough and cure many diseases. But what is she to do while her husband is away for ten hours a day, five days a week? She would have a career until they had kids. THen, she'd be a stay at home mom. So much planning involved.

A month later

IT's finally here. The day they would declare to the world that they belonged to one another. Rin was so nervous out back she nearly broke out in hives.

"Calm down Rin. It will be okay. He is lucky to have you. Besides, you look beautiful." Kagome said trying to calm Rin down.

"Thanks Kagome. You look great too. I..."Rin's held her breath as she heard the pianist play _Canon in D by Pachebel_, signaling their entries. Both girls took a big breath in and headed towards the entry of church.

First were the flower girls Kanna and Kagura, the newest orphans to the convent. Both excited being part of such a big event since the lost of their own family. White dresses with yellow flowers along the bottom. They laid a trail of yellow and white roses to the altar.

Next was the RIng Bearer, Kohaku. He stood tall in his white tux with a yellow vest. He was one of the kids at the pediatric ward when RIn was singing christmas carols. Rin made an everlasting imprint in his mind so when he overheard the researcher ask his brother to find a boy to be ring bearer, he volunteered. Sesshomaru smiled at the boy and thanked him.

Kohaku's second home was at the hospital because he had Cystic Fibrosis and would get severe infections of the lungs which required two weeks of IV antibiotic. He even had a port-a-cath for IV access for emergencies. He was one of many reasons Sesshomaru was so enwrapped in research. Kids like Kohaku are lucky to make it to their twentieth birthday. Most are on the list for a lung transplant by the time they are ten. Kohaku did not have the severe form of the disease which not only attack the lungs, but the pancreas and liver as well. His was mild. But even mild sufferers were lucky to see forty.

Next were Sango and Miroku. Sango was Kagome's friend from school and Miroku was Inuyasha's. 'They look like a real couple,' RIn thought to herself.

Kagome and Inuyasha took off in front of her. By now, she was able to see Sesshomaru down the aisle waiting for her. The candles were aligned in a way that their position at the altar was at the center of the heart shape it had.

Rin took in a deep breath. God, thank you for everything you have given to me today. SHe looked ahead to her love, her soon to be husband. He looked as though he was holding his breath. His foot would move back and forth. Oh my goodness, Rin thought, he's nervous too.

'Here goes nothing. Mom, dad, Koga. Thanks for loving me.' Rin said as she stepped, paused and stepped to her future.

Rin knew no matter where life leads her, she will always remember this town as the town she grew up and loved. The town where she met her loving boyfriend, husband. She would always remember the years of feeling lost after her incident, how they found each other, and of course how he returned her to the girl she once was.


	15. Epilogue

I do not own inuyasha

Three years later

Rin sat anxiously outside the doctor's office. It was her twin's two year check up and they were getting four shots today. She heard their muffled cries through the door and cautiously leaned against the door. It opened as Kagome stepped out,"It's all done, Rin. You can come in now." She ran over to her husband and grabbed both toddlers into her arms. "I'm so sorry, my precious. It is done." Kissing their darling little foreheads and wiping their cheeks with her cheeks. She hated to see her babies upset.

"Just make sure you monitor their temperature and given them Tylenol as needed for fever or pain." Kagome said walking away.

Sesshomaru lifted Rin's chin up." They are brave. How is it that you give shots and IV all the time, but can't watch you kids get them? Don't you tell your patients it doesn't hurt?" He smirked, he knew that answer but could not help but tease his beloved.

Rin blushed and pouted," It's different with them, I don't like to see them hurting. I'm glad I have you to do the dirty work. Thank you." She tiptoed up for a kiss with toddlers in each arm.

"Get a room!" Inuyasha yelled with a smirk. " This is a pediatric office you know?"

"Do I need to put you in your place? You half.." Sesshomaru was cut off by a kiss from his wife.

"Me next, me next. I want a kiss too, daddy. " The twins yelled in unison.

Kagome smiled as the family of four left the office. They have come so far and worked so hard to achieve their happiness. "Inuyasha, can't you be civil with your brother for once?" she said accusingly to Inuyasha.

"That's Dr. Inuyasha to you." Inuyasha walked over to hug his wife. Soon they too will be getting an addition to the family.

As Sesshomaru drove his family home, he laughed to himself. If not for his brother breaking his arm, he would have not met Rin, and eventually found happiness for himself. He owes Inuyasha a broken arm. He will pay him back for that.

Rin noticed her husband calm demeanor and smile. 'He's thinking of something devilous' she thought. Just then she placed her hand on his arm and snapped him out of his revenge plotting. He looked up to see her smile. Yes, a smile that would wash almost every evil thought... no every evil thought he had. 'You were lucky this time Inuyasha' he thought.

But it was not only Inuyasha her smile would save. Rin always said he saved her life so many times in so many way, but truth be told, it would always be her smile that rescued him.

The End

What can I say? I'm a sucker for happy endings. =).


End file.
